Are you planning on hosting a bingo party with all your closest friends and family members in attendance? If so, you’re probably looking for some extra entertainment in between bingo games. Or maybe you’re simply hoping to put a smile on the face of a loved one who really enjoys playing online bingo? Perhaps it’s you who needs a big belly laugh after a long, tiring week? Well, we’ve put together a collection of the funniest bingo jokes the internet has to offer. We hope they have you giggling as much as we did!
The 10 rules of bingo
1. Never sit in your playing buddy’s lucky seat.
2. Never stare at your neighbor’s card.
3. Never say the caller’s name in vain.
4. Never call out “Bingo” falsely.
5. Never wish bad luck on your neighbor (at least not out loud.)
6. Don’t steal your spouse’s money for bingo games (or at least be sneaky about it!)
7. Don’t boast about how much money you win.
8. Don’t whine about how much money you lose.
9. Don’t lust after your neighbor’s winnings.
10. Avoid threatening to kill the caller when the numbers don’t go your way!
A close call
Back in the 1980s, a well-versed bingo caller collapsed while hosting a game at a popular bingo hall and was rushed to hospital. The doctor discovered a large tumor blocking his windpipe – it would seem all those years of calling in smoke-filled bingo halls had caught up with him! He was quickly taken into surgery where the mass was removed. Upon waking up from the anesthetic, the caller asked anxiously whether the tumor was malignant. The surgeon replied with a cheeky smile, “Luckily, no. It’s completely B-9!”
Mr. James has been feeling ill for a few days, so he decides to make an appointment to see his doctor. Following the examination, the doctor tells him, “Mr. James, I’m sorry to say that you have Yellow 24 – a disease that eventually causes you to turn yellow. Once your skin discolors, you’ll have approximately 24 hours to live. Sorry to be the bearer of such bad news.”
After panicking for a few hours, Mr. James accepts his fate and goes home to share his diagnosis with his wife. “Oh no!” she gasps. “You’ve already started turning yellow! We better make the most of the time you have left.”
Having minimal time to work with, they both decide to keep it simple and head over to the local bingo hall. Unfortunately, luck doesn’t seem to be on their side… until the final round. Mr. James calls a line, then another, and then a house. Happily, he heads over to the bingo caller to claim his winnings. The caller looks at him and says, “Wow! It must be your lucky night. Three wins in one game is remarkable!”
Mr. James looks back at him sadly and says, “Lucky? I’m not lucky. I have Yellow 24.”
The caller’s eyes widen. “Well, I’ll be…!” he exclaims. “He’s won the bloody raffle, too!”
How can you tell when a die-hard bingo player isn’t interested in you romantically?
You’ve called their number 10 times and they still don’t answer.
How can you provoke a group of elderly people to curse without fail?
How do vampires play bingo?
With stake money!
What do you call a woman who’s obsessed with playing bingo at home online?
What do you do if your spouse threatens to leave you if you don’t stop playing bingo online with friends?
Find a new spouse.
Why couldn’t a group of friends proceed with their long-awaited bingo night?
The city had a blackout.
A group of avid bingo players decided to forgo their online bingo game and play something else for a change. They decided on a game of pool. How many balls did they bring along?
What does a bingo player have in common with a driver in a parking lot?
They’re both wishing for a free space!
I threw a bingo party and invited a blind bingo caller to do the honors. He’s not a close friend or anything – he was just there to make up the numbers.
What do you call it when an old man wins three games of bingo in a row?
A Jerry hat-trick.
What’s a social media influencer’s favorite bingo call?
86… Instagram pics.
What is the call for bingo at the breakfast table?
38… avocado on the plate.
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