The Best Gambling Jokes

Woman laughing out loud standing against yellow background while wearing a yellow top

Laughing is not only fun, it truly is the best medicine, and is very important for your health! According to research, laughter can help reduce stress too, both in the short term and the long term, by lessening tension, releasing feel-good endorphins, and boosting your immune response. Find out more about how gambling and laughter can go together…

How to laugh and play at the same time

While chuckling on your own at a sitcom, online comedy set, or “getting” a funny cartoon is a great way to crack yourself up, laughing with others is even better, as you get the added social benefits. Everyone knows how just hearing someone else laugh can get you chortling! So what better way to share all of this merriment with others than by telling a good joke or two?

At Borgata Online, we believe gambling and betting – like laughing – are things that should be thoroughly enjoyed. This is because both gaming and having a good rib-tickle are great ways to let off some steam and have fun. With online casino games, there is also the potential to win some exciting jackpots, and much more. 

To help you get those endorphins flowing, we’re going to give you some ideas of a few wisecracks to share at your next game night (whether that’s in person or online). Here are some of our favorite gambling and casino jokes and one-liners to keep things humorous and light-hearted (which could even keep you entertained on your own if you are opting to play online slots!)

Question-and-answer jokes

couple sitting together on the couch laughing about funny online joke holding a phone

If you grew up telling knock-knock jokes, and still get a kick out of them, you’ll enjoy our list of question-and-answer jokes below:

  • Q: Why is gambling banned in Africa?
    A: There are too many cheetahs!
  • Q: Why did the British blonde bring French fries to the casino?
    A: She was told to bring her own chips.
  • Q: What’s the difference between an online casino and a brick-and-mortar casino?
    A: At an online casino, you can cry when you lose, and no one will laugh at you!
  • Q: What did the dealer say to the deck of cards?
    A: I cannot deal with you anymore!
  • Q: What is the new Nintendo game about gambling monsters called?
    A: Poker-mon.
  • Q: What’s the difference between casino players and politicians?
    A: Casino players tell the truth sometimes.
  • Q: What did the rabbit say to the lion at the roulette table?
    A: I’m glad you’re not a cheetah.
  • Q: What do you call an iguana that runs a casino?
    A: The Lizard of Odds.
  • Q: Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
    A: Because he was on a roll…

Poker jokes

Poker is one of the most popular card games in the world, and the high-stakes games and tournaments that take place all over the world are the stuff of legend. While you might not be a pro yourself, you can still keep things entertaining around the table with these poker jokes:

  • What do you call a professional poker player who broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
  • Santa Claus is a super-easy opponent: he always checks it twice.
  • Jeff was a little shy at the poker table. He didn’t want to show his hand just yet.
  • Everyone said that Cody would be a wonderful maid… all he does is fold!
  • The tiger was mad that he lost at poker last night. He said that this is the last time he plays with a cheetah (okay, we’ve had it up to here with the cheetah ones!).
  • Why don’t vampires like gambling? They get nervous when the stakes are raised.

Card jokes

Even if you’re not particularly into poker per se, there are so many other casino table games available, including other card games such as blackjack, baccarat, and pai gow (which is also a poker variation). Check out the wisecracks below for some card banter!

  • Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck!
  • What has a heart and no organs? A playing card!
  • What advice would an Inuit give on building a house of cards? “Igloo it!”
  • Signs that you might have a poker addiction: your children are named Check and Raise.
  • Your best chance to get a straight flush in a casino… is in the bathroom.
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards: all you need at first is two hearts and a diamond; but in the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Gambling and casino one-liners

French bulldogs playing cards

If you consider yourself “punny”, you might appreciate some of these gambling one-liners, which could also get a rise out of some of your gaming companions.

  • I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.
  • I got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
  • I’m going to an ABBA-themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
  • I lost money betting with one of the big cats at the zoo. Think he was a cheetah (not again!)
  • I did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.
  • I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.
  • I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.
  • I used to love eating chips until I got banned from the casino.
  • I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half-past three.
  • I was walking down the road earlier and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop. What are the odds of that?
  • A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gamboling problem.
  • Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.
  • Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino? He was caught counting carbs.

Longer stories and jokes about gambling

If you consider yourself the clown in your group of friends, or family, it’s always good to have a few quick jokes up your sleeve. When you have a captive audience, though, and a little more time to spin a yarn, here are some humorous quotes and stories to add to your repertoire.

The Lonely Punter

My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.

Strength versus wisdom

There was once a young man at a construction site, bragging to the other workers about how strong he was, and that he could beat anyone. One of the older workers on the site took note of this and decided to pipe up with a wager of his own.

He said to the young braggart, “I’ll bet you a week’s wages that I can haul something over to the other side of the construction site in a wheelbarrow that you won’t be able to haul back in it.”

Undeterred, the braggart replied “You’re on, show me what you’ve got, old man!”

In response to that, the older man stood up, walked over to the wheelbarrow and grabbed it by the handles. With a smile, he said to the younger man, who was looking confused, “All right, get in then!”

Confucius says

Vector illustration of Monkeys see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

Confucius was an inspiring master with a lot to say about life, but even though his advice was more sage and serious, we think he might even have a good guffaw at some of the quotes and other anecdotes we’ve included below:

“There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” – Jack Yelton, professional poker player

“Once you start thinking you have nothing left to learn, you have everything to learn.” – Steve Badger 

“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard

Give ’em an inch

I was at the track and asked a guy for a tip. He asked me how long my pecker was, I told him 8 inches, he said to bet on the 8 horse.

The 3 horse won the race… damn, I knew I shouldn’t have lied.

Do You Have a Gambling Problem?

A man goes into a casino and sees a sign that reads: “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.”

He thinks about it for a moment and then dials the number. When they answered he said, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?”

I’ll take that bet… to be sure, to be sure

The luck o’ the Irish is a common theme in the gambling world, with leprechauns, pots of gold at the end of the rainbow, and four-leaf clovers featuring prominently in many online slots and other casino games. If you’re a fan of the Emerald Isle yourself, you might enjoy sharing this joke with your friends too: 

I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland. A group of American tourists came in.

One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, “I hear you Irish think you’re great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes.”

The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.

Forty minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and asked, “Hey Yank, is yer bet still on?”

“Sure,” said the American, “20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000.”

“Grand,” replied the Irishman, “so pour the pints and start the clock.”

It was very close, but the Irishman consumed the last drop with seconds to spare. “OK Yank, pay up!” he said. 

“I’m happy to pay; here’s your money,” said the shocked American. “But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?”

“Well sir,” replied the Irishman, “$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.”

Play casino games with Borgata Online

With all of the jokes, anecdotes, and silly quotes we’ve shared above, we hope that we’ve brightened your day with some lighthearted casino and gambling humor. While we all go through our ups and downs, we believe that keeping your spirits up is essential for making it through. 

If you’re looking for more entertainment, why not join us at Borgata Online, where we offer a wide variety of titles to play, no matter your preferences. If you enjoyed our play on the word “cheetah” above, perhaps some animal or nature-themed online slots will do the trick. Or, if you were tickled by our card jokes, you can also try your hand at our extensive variety of casino table games

All you need to do to get started is sign up. With 24/7 access and plenty of fresh games appearing on our site, we offer the perfect place to get in on the action with the best casino games, jokes aside!