Just like online casinos, not every joke is of the same standard. Some will have you chuckling while you count your chips, while others will make your eyes roll back so far that you’ll wonder if you’ll ever get them facing forward again.
However, corny jokes and puns have their own groaning place in the world. Just like those notorious dad jokes, we love to hate them. This is certainly not a list of the best gambling jokes; instead, it’s a collection of terrible casino puns and jokes about casinos. Whether you’re a fan of casino table games like online poker or you prefer online slots, we’re sure you’ll appreciate how truly half-baked the following gambler jokes and puns are.
Q&A jokes
Casino humor needs to be short and quick to share between rounds or when the dealer is handing out cards. If you’re an avid poker player, then you probably spend most of your days hiding behind a poker face, but that can get tiring. This is especially true during poker tournaments, where you spend most of the time trying to call out your opponents’ bluff or not give your hand away. But the truth is, even in the most serious of situations, a little humor doesn’t hurt to lighten up the mood and power you through the game. That’s where both silly and funny gambling jokes come in – they fill a particular void when you need comic relief during some of your favorite casino games.
Here are some of the corniest short Q&A jokes we’ve heard around the tables and slot machines.
- Q: What has a heart and no organs?
A: A deck of cards! - Q: What’s a sign you might have a poker addiction?
A: Your children are named Check and Raise. - Q: What’s the difference between online poker and live poker?
A: You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you. - Q: What does a blackjack player eat for dinner?
A: Whatever his comp card allows him to. - Q: What’s the difference between poker players and politicians?
A: Politicians tell the truth. - Q: What did the dealer say to the deck of cards?
A: I cannot deal with you anymore! - Q: What’s the difference between a poker player and a dog?
A: In about 10 years, the dog quits whining. - Q: Why did a gambler from England bring a bag of French fries to a poker game?
A: Someone told them to bring their own “chips.” - Q: Why can’t pirates play cards?
A: Because they’re standing on the deck! - Q: Ever hear about the sarcastic gambler?
A: Yeah, he was a real eye-roller! - Q: What do vampires play poker for?
A: High stakes! - Q: Why are most gamblers married?
A: Because marriage is a gamble. - Q: How do you get a professional poker player off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza. - Q: Did you hear about the non-aggressive poker player?
A: They became a maid because they’re so good at folding. - Q: Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker?
A: They always fold. - Q: What do you call a professional poker player who broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless. - Q: What do you call it when an elderly man wins three bingos in a row?
A: A Jerry hat trick.
If you made it to that last funny bingo joke, then you’ll be able to survive the following terrible card jokes and puns.
Card game jokes and puns
If you were hoping that we were done with the bad jokes there, you couldn’t be more wrong. We’ve carefully scoured the web to find the worst casino one-liners and jokes. Prepare your eyeballs for all that swiveling because here we go again. This time, we’re focusing on jokes pertaining to card games (which you could pair alongside some of our favorite card tricks to really up the entertainment value!)
- Your best chance to get a royal flush in a casino is in the bathroom.
- Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need at first is two hearts and a diamond, but in the end, you’ll wish you had a club and a spade!
- Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokémon cards.
- A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon closer inspection, he sees a dog sitting at the table. This piques his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding – everything the human players are doing. However, none of the other players seem to pay any mind to the fact that they are playing with a dog; they just treat him like any other player. Finally, unable to hold his tongue, the man quietly says to one of the players, “I can’t believe that dog is playing poker. He must be the smartest dog in the world!” The player smiles and says, “He isn’t that smart. Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.”
- Santa Claus is a super-easy opponent; he always checks it twice.
- Did well at strip poker the other night – I played my socks off!
- I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.
- I’m going to an ABBA-themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
Ridiculous one-liners
Some jokes are best told as stories, while others are better told as witty one-liners. The main appeal of one-liners is that they often pack a punch and get straight to the point. You either get it or you don’t. The key with one-liners is knowing when and how to use them, because nothing is as amusing as a well-placed ridiculous one-liner. Who knows, they might even help you relax if you’re a novice poker player or gambler who’s looking to get rid of the nerves before a big game.
Here are some ridiculous one-liners to keep in mind; use them, don’t use them – it’s entirely up to you!
- The tiger was mad that he lost at gambling last night. He said that this was the last time he would play with a cheetah.
- Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
- People who wear anklets have a gam-bling addiction.
- China’s currency could depreciate soon. Yuan a bet?
- I’ve always wondered… Does a glassmaker with a gambling addiction suffer from win-dough pain?
- I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump the highest. I like a gambol.
Play the funniest slots with Borgata Online
Now that you’ve had enough of our funny poker jokes and gambling puns, explore the Borgata Online catalog to find humorous slots with funny characters. There’s something for everyone at our casino. With a wide selection of themed online slots and classic casino games that have stood the test of time, entertainment, adventure and humor are the name of the game!
Here are a few recommendations for online slots with amusing and captivating characters.
Buster Hammer Carnival (Yggdrasil Gaming)
Let the larger-than-life Buster welcome you to his immersive carnival in this slot. Buster whips out his Russian Kozachok dance move every time you score a big win. The slot has a return to player (RTP) of 96.34%.
Ghostbusters Plus (IGT)
Despite the funny titular characters, the possible wins in this slot are no laughing matter. The slot boasts an RTP of up to 98%, generous wilds and multipliers and a maximum win of 25,000 times your bet.
Lucky Larry’s Lobstermania 2 (IGT)
The lovable Lucky Larry is the main character in this 4×5 reel online slot featuring a wide range of exciting bonus rounds and features. The slot has an RTP of 96.52% and a maximum win of 10,000 times your stake.
Looking for something different? Try one of the exciting live dealer table games available to play at the Borgata Online casino. With hundreds of options, you’re sure to find a game you’ll love.
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Okay, we admit it: those were some pretty corny betting jokes and puns. To put you out of your misery, why not play the best casino games at Borgata Online? We promise that our casino table games are of a much higher standard than the jokes you’ve just endured! We provide some of the best online casino experiences out there, including live dealer games and virtual bingo. Register with Borgata Online to take advantage of our welcome bonus, plus our other amazing specials and promotions!